AuburnFamilyNews.com: BOOM! ROASTED! Week 6: At the Fair

Monday, October 10, 2022

BOOM! ROASTED! Week 6: At the Fair

SO! How was everyone’s weekend? Mine you ask? It was fine, walked the dog, went to dinner with my beautiful wife and enjoyed the lovely fall weather that has finally arrived. I might have had a little mixed beverage along the way to…ya know…help the day advance along. That said, there were plenty of other coaches and fanbases that also needed a mixed beverage…or straight from the bottle…to help things go by. See, that’s what we do here at the Roasted. We don’t laugh at, we laugh with…unless we win, then we TOTALLY point, wheeze and laugh at. But today…today we laugh with sadly. So let’s get to it and get Roasted!

SURELY THEY WOULDN’T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN

We spoke last week on how it has been a rough couple of weeks for Brent Venables and the Oklahoma Sooners. It started with Kansas State getting the best of UO at home 41-34, only to be followed up by TCU blowing the tarp off of the schooner 55-24 last week in Fort Worth. Surely though, Big Bob Stoops would swing in and help out Ted Roof, Brent and the OU defense hold the burnt orange Texas Longhorns ya know…below 40…since the offense seems to be clicking ok-ish still.

Well…

Ok…so its only 14 to noth…

Uh oh…

Same reaction…if I cared about UO that is…

So that made it 28-0…and the reaction was exactly what you would expect.

That is the look of a man that put all his birthday money from Mumzy and Pop-Pop on the Sooners to cover.

The second half went just as bad for the Sooners as they gave up a total of 49 points for the game.

How many points did the Sooners score on the weekend? Well, just as much as you and I combined did on Saturday…yeah, none.

That is not what Tom Treebow envisioned when he played for the University of the Peninsular State Below the State of Georgia!

THAT….WOW…I could have just posted that and been done today, but no no dear reader, you deserve better.

I mean…at least it didn’t turn over like that one year…

In true Auburn Twitter mob fashion, here is the OU final score tweet…enjoy that as you eat your burger at lunch today.

One of the things I love the most about this game is that they do a 50/50 split of the stadium, meaning that if you get in a blow out situation, one side of the stadium looks like someone crapped in the pool…

Yup, that ain’t no Baby Ruth bar…

To sum it all up, I think this will do.

Oh…what’s that? You need live action role playing…alright, I ain’t here to shame ya.

BABYDOLL! GET OUTTA THERE BEFORE THE AMERICAN DREAM TAKES YOU OUT!!!

I need Dusty Rhodes old WWF theme playing over this…and how does JJ Dillion just let Tully get into a fight like that! He is the Television Champion and knows better than to scuffle outside of a PPV broadcast!!

AND NOW….THIS

To continue on with the UO bashing, they did have one play that was freaking ballsy.

That’s good stuff there as they JUUUUUST got the first down, only to have this happen later in the series.

But interesting offensive plays weren’t limited to Dallas, oh no.

Absolutely how they drew that one up.

You know, we really haven’t checked in on FSU in a while. How are the noles doing?

Oh…yeah….you…..you can’t really do that…

I don’t think I had ever seen a punter…punt the ball from beyond the original line of scrimmage and now its happened twice this season…

The Noles would have a chance to get that W at the end of the game.

And a chance is all they had.

We here at the Roasted like to go all over the College Football landscape to bring you things your eyeballs need to have shoved in them…LIKE A THICC SIX!!!

And finally, the worst fake field goal in the history of mankind.

That’s the toughest 10 point swing I think I’ve ever seen…

THE ROASTED SUPER BOWL PART 1

You didn’t actually think you’d get out of here without us touching on two of our favorites. Kirk Ferentz and his 2/3rds of a team (defense and special teams only…You get your Nazi ass out of here with that offense talk…fascist)

headed down to Champaign to take on BERT and the Fighting Illini for a share of 1st place in the B1G West. And the fans…were…into it.

It wouldn’t be the B1G without overt cursing on somewhat national TV.

I mean, this kind of B1G football brings out all the emotions…

I need the back story on all of this. Is the (hopefully) happy couple a house divided, he’s an Illini fan, she is a Hawkeye? Did they actually look forward to this game for actual football reasons? Did they ask BERT to officiate the wedding. Did Kirk Ferentz run up into the stands and lock a chastity belt on the both of them because ‘WE AIN’T HERE TO SCORE DAMN IT!’?

Speaking of no one scoring….

There’s that defense we know and love.

But wait…6-6….HOW DID WE GET TO 6-6???

Freaking glorious…I tried to find video of this, but haven’t gotten my hands on it yet. If worse comes to worse, keep an eye on the comments and I will post the whole “drive” on Youtube because children need to learn of this achievement.

Illinois would get a FG to make it 9-6 and would clamp down on the defense.

Iowa would use their TOs to get the ball back, cause you know Illinois wasn’t gonna pick up a first down to ice this thing. And the game would end the only way this one could.

Majestic.

This game was everything we wanted from Iowa and Illinois. It came it at an O/U of 35.5…they missed it by 3 TDs.

I feel like they just have this as a template and just fill in names with CTRL+F.

So that’s it for this week. Feel free to share thoughts, other games, angry comments below.

Until next week, James Madison is ranked #25 in the country.



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