Boom Roasted! Week 4: Coming Down the Aisle

Monday, September 26, 2022

Boom Roasted! Week 4: Coming Down the Aisle

Last week, I was reminded by our faithful readers how much the Roasted is appreciated. Week in and week out we scrounge the far-flung corners of the college football world (and twitter) to bring you the games you may have missed while enjoying tailgating in your own personal way, whether that be with some fresh Toomers Lemonade with your spirit of choice or a gallon that you just unthawed from your deep freezer in the garage at the house (guilty), and we do so with a little humor that helps the weekend come to a close with a little happier feel.

Well, I believe it was around half way through the 4th quarter when I realized that the Roasted is not just something folks will enjoy this year, it is needed this season. So, for a couple of minutes, lets for leave Auburn’s offense doing its best Iowa impression to the side, and get to the Roasted!


In Big XII culture, beating Texas is THE thing. Think of it like beating Alabama, except that feeling Auburn has felt in beating Nick Saban…yeah Kansas gets that feeling when they beat Mike DuBose or Mike Shula style versions of Texas. Its especially true for teams that are inside the Lone Star State. Texas Tech, for example, hasn’t beaten the Horns in Lubbock since the Michael Crabtree game in 08, and according to my sources, is supposedly a long time even though that was only a couple of years ago…IT WAS DON’T ARGUE WITH THIS OLD MAN!

Anywho, the need to beat Texas like a drum only intensified after Texas announced it was heading to the SEC with OU in a year or two or whenever, ya know, cause the party is getting kind of dull in here so…we will leave when we want to.

So on to the game…which started off about as gloriously as you could have hoped.

Yup, cause you want the 16 time World Champion ringing that bell like a mad man for you when the Horns show up! WOOOO!

But on to the game, where the Horns would really put it to the Raiders with a mix of passing and of course Bijan Robinson doing his machine like running things to take off to a 31-17 lead with just 2 minutes left to go in the 3rd quarter. That’s when things would go sideways for the Horns. Tech would score 17 unanswered from there to take a 34-31 lead with 21 seconds left, only to have the Horns tie things up with a Bert Auburn FG from 48 out as time expired, bringing on Overtime!

That’s where things went south for Texas…

So let’s focus in on the game winning FG for Texas Tech, shall we…

Eh, a little too close for my liking, let’s see how it looked from Arlington…

Mmmm, glorious joy in another team’s agony…love it…

But back to the fans rushing the field. We here at Auburn know of rushing the field (in some situations where the game didn’t truly warrant it, but I digress) and if you are going to rush the field, don’t just run to jump around with the people you were just watching the game with…amateurs. Go and make a freaking statement about how the other team’s loss impacts you and validates how you feel about them.

EYE ALWAYS ON THE FREAKING PRIZE!!! That person (how dare you assume that it was a guy, and what does that say about you?) jumped on to the field, was JUUUUUUST about to celebrate with his other Red Raider followers, but paused….thought….and WENT FREAKING HORNS DOWN TO ANOTHER ADULT IN A STEER COSTUME!!


Not to be outdone though, let’s pick up a copy of the newspaper in Lubbock, hot off the press

So far this is a solid whipping of the Horns…but something is missing…how do Horn fans feel about losing possibly their last trip to Lubbock for the foreseeable future.

I mean come on man…so you can’t go to the College Baseball Hall of Fame, which for some unforsaken reason is in Lubbock and not Omaha where it makes absolute sense for it to be. Its Lubbock and you still have your boots and your Keep Austin Weird t-shirt…call it even and start the 15 hour drive across your ridiculously large state to get back home! Weirdos…


After I made sure that I wouldn’t have a section of the Roasted reserved for Tennessee, I decided to settle in for Texas A&M and Arkansas while I waited for some Pac-12 after dark, and I couldn’t help but be bashed over the head with the ‘Sure, A&M lost to App, but they beat Miami the next week’ by Tess and Greggy.

That reminded me that I saw MTSU was leading Miami 17-3 earlier that afternoon…

Yeah… that is what made it 17-3. The worst part for Cane fans, is that it didn’t stop there.

Miami would start to make it a bit of a game, however…

Yeah that doesn’t help your cause.

In the end, MTSU would win 45-31 and have a fun time doing it.

For you history nerds, this made me giggle.

So, Miami actually played in the Boro? And I thought Vandy going to Northern Illinois was bad last week…

Now for the Roasted part, Rick Stockstill is the Head Raider for MTSU and an old Florida State QB, so to say that he enjoyed beating the Canes is a bit…of an understatement.

No comment necessary…Stock just said it all.

That’s all I have for you this week. I need some Tylenol to work in this migraine that won’t go away after…our second half but feel free to post comments of praise and anything else you saw this weekend that we need to poke a sharp stick at.

I leave you with Terry Bowden dancing.


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